There have been two moments in my life that really stand out that have hurt me big time and have scarred me, have made me the person that I am today (not in a good way):

1)  Getting super close to my group of senior year high school friends (Tim & Paul Higashi, Eve Pham, Michael Jones, Joe Kang) and then parting ways once college started.

2) Falling in love with Joanna Liu and realizing she’s not the right girl for me.

Before my senior year in high school, I had never given so much value to personal relationships.  I don’t really know why.  It wasn’t because I was scared or anything.  I think it was more because I just hadn’t discovered myself from a social perspective.  But then senior year changed that.  I got very close to “The Bookies” and we had a great time and had wonderful, heartfelt talks about life, religion, and relationships.  It was great.  It was a very good time in my life.  One that I miss dearly.  But then college started and everybody went and did their own thing.  More than anything, I realized that they were all super involved with their church/religion and I wanted no part of it.  In fact, I wanted to keep as far away from that as possible.  Essentially, we broke up.  They’re all still close to each other because they all have the unifying relationship with their god, but I will never share that commonality with them. 

And then in my freshman year of college, I got super close to Joana and by the end of the school year we were in a relationship.  That had its ups and downs, its wonderful times and its difficulties.  But we were in love.  And love conquers all, right?  DEAD. FUCKING. WRONG.  Love doesn’t conquer much of anything really.  Love can only take you so far but there’s a lot of other pieces that have to fit nicely together for the relationship to truly work.  Simply put, our pieces didn’t mix well together.  Joanna, like my high school friends, was also heavily devoted to her faith (same church/religion as my high school friends).  My stance hadn’t changed one bit.  I wanted nothing to do with church or religion.  There couldn’t be a compromise, so we broke up.

I fell in love with the idea of a relationship.  I loved my friends.  I loved my girlfriend.  I really did.  It was the first time I knew what it was like to love a person or a group of people.  It was great.  It was nice.  But that’s the hard part about love: you lay it all out on the line, you risk getting hurt.  I didn’t know that the hurt would be so painful, so hard to deal with.  I still haven’t recovered from that hurt and I’m finishing my third year of college.  It’s because of that hurt that I’m scared to ever get close to anyone ever again.  Not even get close, but form any sort of relationship that becomes even close to personal.  I’m scared shitless.  That’s why I don’t have many friends.  That’s why I’m not close to very many people.  That’s why I don’t care about too many people.  That’s why not many people care about me.  That’s why I don’t have those relationships.

Will I ever be able to get over the hurt and put myself back out on the line, risk getting hurt, all for the sake of attaining those relationships?  I dk…

nosebleedhooligans:

shutupmexican:

crossfitandfitgirls:

STOP SAYING YOLO.

NOW.

I am fairly certain that Jack Black is synonym to bad movie

Carpe Diem is a cliche, like Hack Black. 

leave it to jack black to be a genius. smart man

I remember clicking on this when it was a lie. Such good times.  I still feel pretty bad i click on that button nowadays. but obviously not bad enough to not click on it heehee

nosebleedhooligans:

edfreemaybe:

Wayne Brady: 50,072,587,425
Ryan Stiles: 11,113,372,791.5
Colin Mochrie: 3,012,399,040.5
Chip Esten: 2,004,047,000
Greg Proops: 1,001,122,117
Brad Sherwood: 1,071,980.5
Denny Segal: 1,059,560
Karen Maruyama: 1,004,450
Kathy Greenwood: 59,810
Stephen Colbert: 12,000
Kathy Griffin: 5,000
Ian Gomez: 4,000
Jeff Davis: 3,300
Josie Lawrence: 3000
Whoopi Goldberg: 2,500
Patrick Bristow: 1,000
Robin Williams: 1,000
Kathy Kinney: 50

How is Wayne Brady killing Ryan STILES?

This is the greatest post ever! Magical

my life all day every day

simplynikkki:

I’m being told that I should do something before its too late. But seriously, how do I build up the courage to do so?! How am I supposed to let my feelings out. I’m just scared of getting hurt again. Part of me wants to do it because at least that way ill have an answer instread of always…

hardest part after you’ve been hurt once is to put yourself out on the line again, to risk the possibility of getting hurt again.

simplynikkki:

Totally relevant to the vent i did last night. Haha.

truf

now, THAT’S a beard

Once you fall in love for the first time, everything changes.  Your whole outlook on life changes.  Every little interaction with any person changes.  All your relationships change.  And, most of all, any future relationship you will have will totally change.

preach